did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
