I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
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