I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
