If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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