I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
