Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
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I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
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Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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