"it" just moved
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
