At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
