so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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