apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
