a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
