Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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