if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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