i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
