Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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