Redeem this text for a blowjob
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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