A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
