i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
