A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
