Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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