me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
