if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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