We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
someone get that fucking seahorse.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
