My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
