Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
