I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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