Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
