so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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