you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
