I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
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Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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