Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
