he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
