I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
