he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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