first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
