Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
