I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
