ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
