don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
