Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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