i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
