He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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