I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dick very happy bro
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
