The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
