Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
