I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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