Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is wine microwaveable?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize