Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
