My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
