her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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