Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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