You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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