I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
