you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
