Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
