batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
