In the future we'll all be gay
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
