Need sex. Gaining weight.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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