Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
