My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
