i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize