There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
