You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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