Your mouth is God's brothel.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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