Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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