Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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