Four minutes until I can fart!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
