I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
