You're so nebulous sometimes
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
