I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
