the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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