i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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