made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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