So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.