It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
