I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
