fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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