Your face is a jimmy john
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
