...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize