It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
