u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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