I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
