it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
