i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
