ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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